“1 Month Anniversary….”
As my boyfriend and I are getting to that “one month,” I start thinking about how stupid people are. I don’t understand the concept of a “Month-aversary.” It’s not because I’ve never been in a relationship before. Hell no. It’s because I don’t understand why people are celebrating how much effort it took them to get to one month… Is it that hard? Is it so difficult for you each relationship that you have to celebrate each oncoming month?
It takes a strong person to accept fault and not make excuses.
It’s taken me so much time to figure out exactly who my friends are. They aren’t the ones you just hang out with and feel a need to impress constantly. Friends aren’t the people who will take you or leave you. They aren’t the ones who show up randomly and invite you out as a formality only to ignore you later. I’ve had so many fake friends that I clung to in hopes of bettering our friendships, but it never worked. I was so depressed for a long time, wondering why I could never be that important person that mattered to anyone.
It’s only now that I realized the friends I have now are the ones I want to keep. They’re the people who are excited to see you fall for someone. They’re the ones who root for you, but are extremely honest to your face regardless of your feelings. They don’t make you feel like you’re working so hard to be happy. I am not left with this feeling that I’m inadequate. I have never been so happy. My friends are so eager for this guy and I to get together. They are waiting excitedly as I just wade through until he asks me out. I have never seen my friends so happy for me, and it’s weird. It makes me realize exactly who matters to me. I love my friends, and I will not ever want to lose them in my life. <3
Don’t have sex with someone and tell yourself you love them.
I’m so sick of people saying they’re in love like it has no meaning. Love isn’t just affection. It’s something that is built on time and trust. It’s when you can be completely honest and give without any regrets. It’s not a feeling that justifies your carnal desires. Don’t kid yourself. Sex is an act of lust not love. Don’t think that just cause his penis goes in your vagina that he’s someone special. I am so sick of hearing teenagers say they’re in love. If you’re so in love, get married before the baby’s born. Stick with each other no matter what and bind yourselves. I think it’s stupid when I see old high school friends getting pregnant and they’re with their baby daddies, but they don’t get married. Be responsible. Back up the words “I love you.”
I hate when couples say those words after they just start dating. It makes the phrase so meaningless. It’s not just something to say to one another. It’s meaningful. It means that that person is irreplaceable and an important piece in your puzzle. They are there for support not sex or to feed some empty whole in your lonely and pathetic existence. It makes me sick thinking that these same people don’t think anything of it. Maybe when we’re single we believe in truth and meaning, but being in a relationship makes us stupid cause I’ve seen quite a few people become completely retarded when they start dating someone.
Sex and love have nothing to do with each other. You can have sex with someone you love, but you don’t love everyone you fuck.
Don’t fuckin’ kid yourself.
I have my insecurities and they have been driving me nuts these days. I wonder if people think when they say certain things. I don’t appreciate it when people bring things up. I don’t want to talk about the past. I hate it so much. I don’t like people bringing up my past and I definitely don’t care about other people’s pasts. I feel like people forget the important parts of my past, the parts that are recent and have fatal potency in my life, but people focus on stupid parts and act as if they are important. I hate when people keep bringing it up. I’m suffering.
People are so much more complicated
People are so much more complicated than they seem. I’ve learned quite a few things this week and I’m not sure what to take of it. My mind is buzzing with information and I feel an uneasiness. I didn’t mean to be nosy, I had honest questions and I learned things I never imagined about people.
I wonder what exactly is going to happen. I keep having these talks with people but they never stop no matter how much appears to be resolved. I’m angrier every day at one, confused about another, and curious about that one. What do I do? Is God confusing me on purpose? I’m so lost. What’s going on? It’s funny how things change in a period of 2 months. I wonder exactly what will happen in the next month as work and school wind down. What does God have in store for me?
I hate liars with all my heart. I keep walls around my heart, but if I don’t want to talk about what’s on my mind, at least I will tell you. I may hide my emotions, but I don’t full out lie about them! I’m defensive, but if you’ve gone through half the crap I’ve been through, you would understand exactly why I’m like this!
Getting to know me…
I think it’s funny how people will talk to me and think they know me so well because we talk often. I wonder if people ever notice I don’t mention what’s truly going on in my life. I will always turn the conversation away from myself. Weird how no one notices until I mention it. I see this one guy who wants to get to know me and I just ask about him, which he doesn’t want to do. I guess he’s met his match and I am not the type that’ll back down. Good thing he’s into my sister. She’s weak and will provide what he wants. Life is so interesting!
It’s funny how feelings come and go. I thought I really liked this guy, but maybe I was fooling myself. It’s been about a month and the feeling has died. I think I wanted it to be real so I clung to a feeling that didn’t exist anymore and fooled myself into thinking that it was what I wanted. In fact, he may have liked me for a short amount of time, but I think it’s passed for him too. I think he’s moved onto my little sister, which makes me feel a bit inadequate, but I can manage by myself. I am amazing no matter what. I don’t need to judge myself by the attention I can grab. I don’t like attention, although it can be very ego-boosting. I just want to know exactly what is out there for me. I’m almost 20, but life seems to be at a standstill while I await my life to begin for the first time.